


Was That Not Enough to Earn Your Understanding?

by anewkindofthrill



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, post chapter 107
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 20:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15893757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anewkindofthrill/pseuds/anewkindofthrill
Summary: When Levi’s boot connects with Eren’s face it is nothing like that time when he did it to save that dumbass child.





	Was That Not Enough to Earn Your Understanding?

When Levi’s boot connects with Eren’s face it is nothing like that time when he did it to save that dumbass child. 

Eren is an adult now and Levi is painfully, excruciatingly aware of that. There was a time when Levi waited for Eren to finally grow up. 

Now every second into Eren’s adulthood is one second closer to his death. Which is ironic in a sense, since Levi thinks Eren’s ghosts have killed him a long time ago. 

_ (That is not true. It’s just easier to think someone else has taken over rather than Eren himself decided to stop following Levi.)  _

He looks down at Eren, literally, never figuratively, as the long-haired man with his stubble accepts the abuse wordlessly. Eren asks for his understanding, but it’s only a shadow of the long-lost wish to please his captain. Where there used to be either the wish to be of use to Levi or defiance, only indifferent determination is left. The flame of his determination burned out long ago, his wrath became hard and cold, just as a hot and steaming Titan body crystallizes into stone. 

Levi has thought that he had accepted Eren being a monster. Hell, Levi was even naive enough to think he accepted  _ himself  _ being a monster. 

But thinks himself human after all. Eren, on the other hand, has the blood of the Beast - and he acts on it. 

 

He saw himself in Eren. 

He was wrong. There were many people in Eren, but Levi was none of them. 

 

//

The Beast killed Erwin and Levi refuses to think of it as human. 

As someone’s brother. 

Levi has decided to take on the duty of watching the Beast. He’s failed in watching the other one, so maybe he could redeem himself now. His mistake was the he stopped watching Eren and started sharing a life with him. 

As he watches Zeke and sees Erwin’s corpse that he couldn’t save, wouldn’t save 

_ (Eren’s face as he pleaded for Armin’s life, Eren’s thankfulness afterwards as he pretended not to hear voices)  _

Levi can be sure this is not going to happen again. 

Zeke looks at him with Eren’s eyes and Levi stares right back. He can’t let Zeke know how much power his eyes hold over him now, can he?

“You do know that I don’t care about your judgement, Levi, no matter how bitterly you stare at me. I don’t admire you enough for that,” Zeke says conversationally. “Although I do think you are a fearsome and exceptional fighter.” 

Levi just  _ tsk _ s. 

“When you came charging at me on your own, back then in Shinganshina,” Zeke smirks humourlessly, “I thought I was really going to die. You would have sacrificed yourself, you would have died yourself if it meant my death.” 

Levi stares at the bonfire. He knows what is about to come - his own judgement. 

“Why do you hold the very same decision against somebody else?”

 

//

Because, in fact, it has nothing to do with Eren leaving him. Levi has always anticipated it anyway; there are really no reasons why anyone should look up to him except his strength. 

Usually, closeness to him brings other people death. It’s good that Eren stopped looking at Levi like he had all the answers in the world, because all Levi could do was disappoint him. 

(“Was that not enough to earn your understanding?” Eren asked him on the airship, disappointment written all over his face.) 

No, Levi knows why Eren would leave him. (Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt like a bitch.) But what Levi doesn’t want to understand is why Eren is sacrificing himself. 

For all that Levi didn’t and doesn’t understand, one thing is certain to him: Eren has always meant to kill all the Titans. That is the one common  truth of Eren’s and Levi’s life. And the very simple consequence is: 

Eren also wants to kill all shifters. He wants to eat them all and die. 

Eren wants to become The Last Monster. 

Levi knows the circumstances of Eren’s first transformation; how he wanted to save Armin from being eaten and got eaten himself. As Levi stares into the remnants of the bonfire, the Beast fast asleep next to him, he scowls. 

Eren is going to eat Armin. Eren will kill the sacrifice Levi made for Erwin and become a sacrifice himself. 

_ And yes,  _ Levi thinks,  _ I can hold this decision against him for the rest of my life.  _

 

//

Levi only knows that Hange and Eren had talked after Eren finding out that Historia was pregnant. Levi bites his lower lip; he hates how they use the girl, how he always has. Hange must have regrets as well because she allowed Eren and Zeke to meet, which is why Levi is currently sharing his tent with Eren in the woods. 

There is a certain coldness between the two men, or rather - there is the deliberate coldness Levi is emitting. This is because Levi has to counteract the heat of the memories of times in which the two of them used to share a tent. It was because Levi was “watching” him, and oh, Levi was watching alright. He was watching the boy’s every move, was watching him grow up, was watching his own cold, pale fingers trail lines on golden skin, being a detrimental part of Eren’s growing into adulthood himself.

Yes, Levi stares daggers of ice, but Eren’s eyes are empty, too preoccupied with all the inhabitants in his head, none of which is Levi. 

“You’re upset with me.” The same conversational tone of voice, Levi wants to puke. “I really thought you would understand.” 

(“You look like every one of those pieces of garbage I had to see in the underground city. I can’t believe it… you, too,” Levi said to Eren, and Eren understood, of course he did since Levi had told him all about his shitty life in one of those nights spent together in a tent, Levi’s head on Eren’s chest that had been almost broad already. 

Eren understood that Levi called him a filthy murderer.) 

“I don’t,” Levi says. 

“Liar.” 

Levi turns to Eren, wide-eyed. “What did you say?” 

“You are just as much a murderer as I am, Levi. You are just as much of a monster as I am. You think I have stopped following you when I follow you more than ever before.” 

Before Levi can say anything, he feels the searing kiss. 

Ever a greedy monster, Levi doesn’t fight it but devours everything. 

“I am like a person from the underground city because you are,” Eren whispers hoarsely between kisses. “I am a murderer because you are. I am a sacrifice because you are. Everyone around me is dying anyway.” He grabs Levi’s hair and holds his face against his own, eyes piercing into the other’s. “You taught me how to make decisions so don’t you fucking dare hold them against me, old man.” 

And Levi laughs. He tears Eren’s shirt off his body (and hears his old squad being teared apart) and laughs. He manhandles Eren so he lies under him (and sees himself manhandling Historia into a decision she didn’t want) and laughs. He dives down to meet Eren’s ever so hungry, already bloody steaming lips (and sees Eren kill people, dozens, hundreds, he sees Eren kill himself) and laughs. 

“I am a liar, huh. I even lie to myself.” 

He sees himself in Eren. And he is right.

Eren grins. “We all do. We’re Eldians. We’re monsters.” 

 

Outside of the tent, the Beast laughs, too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written Ereri for YEARS, but with S3 and the current ongoings in the manga, I'm so excited about SnK again. This was just a short introspection piece about the current Ereri dynamics, mixed with some of my own speculation. I hope you liked it!


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